Title: Ozzie’s Fort – Right Into My Trap
Words: 502
Rating: T
Genre: Crack
Warnings: Foul language and idiocy
AN: I swear to god, this actually happens in-game.
Summary: Team-7 must overcome the first of Ozzie’s “traps”

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“Well they certainly know how to run away.” Sakura said as she and her team entered the next room.

Naruto sighed, “We’ve had weed-pulling missions more difficult than this. How the hell has this Ozzie guy managed to live this long without getting killed?”

“Like I said, he’s good at running away.” Sakura replied. “Right Sasuke?”

The Uchiha, who was in front of his teammates, stopped walking as they reached a stone bridge over what seemed to be a bottomless pit. Running along either side of the bridge were two conveyer belts, as well as several chains hanging from the ceiling. At the end of the hall, above the bridge, Ozzie stood next to what looked like a convoluted set of levers, pulleys and switches, giggling with glee as he watched the ninjas examine the room. After five or so minutes, when they still had not entered the room, Ozzie began to get angry.

The green mystic began tapping his foot on the ground impatiently. “Well?” He asked. “What the hell are you waiting for, get in here already.”

The members of Team-7 glanced at one another. Naruto shrugged, “At least he actually has a trap this time.”

Sasuke nodded and made his way across the bridge first, followed by Sakura, with Naruto bringing up the rear.

Ozzie let out a mighty guffaw as they reached the center of the bridge. “You fools! You walked right into my trap.”

Naruto let out a fake gasp, “A trap? Oh no, whatever will we do?”

Sakura placed her hands on her chest, “What misfortune, I am so very frightened now. Why must I die at such a young age?”

Ozzie took no notice as he began to operate the many contraptions beside him. Suddenly the conveyer belts began to move, and the chains began to be pulled into the ceiling. Along with the sounds of gears creaking, the team’s eyes widened as they heard a beastly howl come from below them. Before too long, large ogre like creatures rose from the pit, grasping the chains. The monsters let out snarls and in-human laughs as they leapt from the chains to the conveyer belts below them. Before long Team-7 found themselves surrounded.

Naruto smirked, “Finally, a real fight.”

As one, the ninja drew their weapons and fell into fighting stances. Just as they prepared to attack their burly opponents, the conveyer belts carried the ogres away, and over the edge, screaming as they fell back into the pits below.

A minute passed in complete silence. Sasuke blinked, and then again. ‘That couldn’t have just happened, could it?’ he thought to himself.

Slowly, all three turned their heads up to look at Ozzie again. The mystic’s mouth was agape with the same shock as the ninja’s. “O-” He stuttered, “Ozzie’s in a pickle!”

Quickly the green monster began to float and rushed to the next room. Team-7 watched him in shock the entire time. Sasuke finally hung his head and muttered, “This is so fucking stupid.”